Be The Change You Need

“Be the change you want to see” Mahatma Gandhi

“If you’re alive you can change things, if you’re dead you can’t” Movie: I Am David

I know what it’s like to feel dead inside.    Those were some of my darkest days.  Trying to find to strength to pull myself out seemed beyond me.

My therapist suggested each day I force myself to clean one tile in the bathroom.   I thought that sounded so stupid at the time.   I knew she was just trying to challenge me to do something, anything, just get out of bed.  So one day I decided I’d try it, well if you know me, I don’t do anything in partiality.  In a hour I conquered the entire bathroom.   It looked and smelled great, and guess what?, I felt amazing.    For the first time in weeks I felt alive again.  I felt a sense of accomplishment I didn’t realize was lacking.

That one day, challenged me to find a focus each day.  I began doing crafts and sewing which 17 years later has become festival fun for me and one little apron became hundreds.

The challenge of choosing life was not easy, I had to force myself each day, but eventually it became easier and soon I wanted to thrive again.   I hadn’t realized hiding under the covers in a dark room was emotionally killing me, so yes, I couldn’t change anything as long as I was dead under the sheets, but alive I discovered wings to become the change I wanted for me.